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We had sex a few more times, but it was never like the first time again.
It was worth it though, for that one night, that one hour of honest innocence and senseless happiness.
Arriving at the beach, it became clear that the weather was not conducive to hanging out. My friend Monica and her boyfriend, who had recently lost their virginities together, immediately holed themselves up in his car, and I knew they would be practicing their newly discovered hobby to help them generate heat.
That left me, my guy friend, and his boyfriend standing outside my SUV.
Imagine my surprise thirty minutes later, when, after lying in the dark talking for what seemed like an hour, without warning, I felt her lips against mine. The next night, after driving to a friend's place in NYC, I audaciously reached down and teased her with my fingers, but she prevented me from pulling off her underwear when I made an attempt. We kissed, I fingered her, she ground against me for all she was worth — and then abruptly she was still."If you don't want to do this with someone who doesn't love you, I'll understand." It was at that moment that I realized that I, tragically, truly did love her.But my body didn't give me time to think about how miserable that would make me in the near future.I wanted her more than I had ever wanted anything before in my life.Every fiber of my body was screaming at me to stop stalling, to pull this girl against me as tightly as I could and never let go.